When Martha was nine, her mother developed psychosis, had locked Martha in the room with her, brandished knives, spoken terrible things about Martha’s father and said that she didn’t love Martha any more.  Although the mother had apologized later, Martha never again believed her when she said ‘I love you’.  Also, Martha reported that her sister had suffered much more emotionally from this trauma than she (Martha) had, and Martha continually felt guilty about her sister’s emotional problems.  Martha reported crying while watching a movie that mentioned childhood memories.

During the first session we used the Tell the Story technique, stopping at literally every sentence, checking for intensity (which was quite high), and tapping each sentence to zero.  At the end of 90 minutes all of the statements in the story had been neutralized; however, both of us could tell that there was still unresolved negative energy around the trauma, so I suggested that we work the next day to clear it out.

At the second session, I asked how she now felt about doing more work on the trauma.  She replied that she had felt ‘euphoric’ after other EFT sessions we had completed prior to yesterday’s session, but after the trauma session she had just felt drained.  Nevertheless, she wanted to proceed.

I asked her to begin the story, and she immediately had intensity, although at a much lower level than the day before.  We tapped on each sentence again, and after a few rounds, I said “It’s really hard to tell this, isn’t it?”  Martha agreed, so we tapped on:

Even though it’s really hard to tell this story, it was a long time ago; I choose calm and peace now.

She said, “I remember … I’d forgotten this! – when I was 11 they investigated my mother.  I was at summer camp, they came and interrogated me, I didn’t want to tell about it, and it was so intense that I fainted.”  So we did two rounds of tapping.

Even though the interrogation was so intense that I fainted…

Even though I didn’t want to tell this story…

The level of intensity of these was 8+ on a scale of 0 to 10, and each dropped to 0 in a round.  This was the key!  She reported ease, the euphoria that she had felt in previous EFT sessions, and kept saying, “I can’t believe it.”

Apparently the trauma of ‘telling the story’ to the investigators at age 11, compounded by the years repeating the pain in talk therapy, had added another layer of complexity to this issue.  Even getting the individual parts of the story down to a 0 level didn’t bring relief, until we cleared the issue of the trauma of TELLING the story.  Strangely, this didn’t appear when we started the first session – I had asked how she felt about telling the story, and she said that she just wanted to tell it.

(Unfortunately, this is a common response in our society, particularly with people who have had therapy. They may have developed coping mechanisms which allow them to access a traumatic memory, but may not have cleared it.)

I had her return to the beginning, and she easily went through the story up to that point, reporting a completely different energy.  She felt no intensity about the events in any way!  Then we got to tapping for other events, each of which went from a level of intensity of 10 out of 10 to zero in two rounds.

Even though my mother tied up my sister… This had several aspects.

Even though I should have helped her, I was just a kid, I was doing the best that I could…

She said that she felt clear about how she had behaved regarding her sister in the past, but now sometimes her sister would annoy her, and she would look into her eyes and see the eyes of a child, and feel guilty.

Even though I feel guilty now every time she annoys me…

Even though I look into her eyes and feel guilty, I choose to release this guilt, I choose to love her instead.

Euphoria again!  She felt clear about her sister.  The rest of the story went easily, one or two rounds on each sentence.

At the end I had her repeat the story – she remained at zero the whole way through.  I asked how she felt about her sister – great!  I said ‘You mentioned that you never again believed your mother when she said that she loved you’.  She paused and said ‘That’s gone!’  We hadn’t even tapped directly on that issue – I suspected that when the story went to zero, that would go as well.

What I learned from this:  Sometimes it’s not the presenting trauma, but a secondary trauma covering the first, that keeps the clearing from happening completely.  Martha now reports that the euphoria continues, and that she feels a peace that she has not felt in years.

Pamela Bruner, Business Success Coach
Make Your Success Easy!
Phone: (888) 736-0620
4370 Old US 25, Zirconia, NC 28790
www.MakeYourSuccessEasy.com
Pamela@MakeYourSuccessEasy.com

As a coach, I have a great deal of sympathy for this. Coaching, as opposed to therapy, is supposed to deal with the present and the future, and not with the past. But the answer to the question ‘Do I need to deal with the past?’ is more complex than that. The answer is: ‘it depends!’

It is possible to move forward without reference to the past, both for specific incidents as well as in general. After all, most of the world is moving without having healed the past! However, there are a number of situations in which working with the past is the most efficient or effective way to proceed.

Let’s say, for example, that you want to or need to learn to speak to groups for your job or business. Because of an incident in 3rd grade, you’re very uncomfortable doing that.

You could make the choice to get a new job, or go into a new business that doesn’t require you to speak. That’s one option. If you do feel the need to be able to speak to groups, you may want to go back and clear out that 3rd grade classroom embarrassment, if one of the following is true:

1) It caused you so much trauma that you just can’t get up and speak in front of groups now, and you’re completely stopped. In that case, energy work such as EFT is probably your best option to overcome it.

2) It caused you enough trauma that, although you can speak in front of groups, you don’t like doing it, and are always looking for ways to avoid it. You’re also probably not very good at it, since it’s so uncomfortable. This is the situation that most people are in – they aren’t completely stopped by the events from the past, they are just slowed down. You can take the longer, harder road of forcing yourself to speak in front of groups, going to speaking training, etc, until you finally reach some sort of ability to do it. Over time, you may even begin to enjoy it.

You could also try to work with your current fear, and use EFT only on ‘I’m afraid of speaking to groups’. This would be another technique that would avoid the necessity of going into the past. When you know the specific, originating event that’s stopping you, however, clearing that event is almost certainly the most efficient way to move forward.

So there are many situations in which working with the past incident is the best (meaning most efficient, most effective) way to proceed.

An exception: You may want to work in the present (or with visualized future events) rather than the past event if you don’t remember an originating event. You can also make up an originating event, but for some people, visualizing what they THINK will happen in the future is easier than creating a totally imaginary memory from the past. (Note that the actual originating event may pop up when you begin tapping on the future event.)

It IS possible to clear a fear of an anticipated event without accessing the past. The drawbacks are that it may take longer, and you may find more aspects that need to be cleared. For example, if you clear a fear of addressing a group of people that you know, you may still find fear around addressing a group of people that you don’t know, or people from a certain profession. Clearing the originating event can sometimes (not always) take care of multiple aspects more quickly and completely.

All of this discussion so far has centered on whether to focus on clearing past events for a specific issue. There are two other situations in which clearing past events is very important:

1) If you’re a healer, coach, counselor, practitioner, or therapist, you’ll want to heal your past. Use the Personal Peace Procedure or some other similar technique to clear out trauma and hurt from your past. This will enable you to be more present to your clients, and not be triggered by issues that they bring to be healed.

2) If you want your life to be easier, clearing out the past is like spring cleaning for your home. All of the traumas from the past are potential triggers for upset, fear, anger, or other negative emotions, which directly impact the quality of your life. Remove the triggers, and when challenging events happen, you just won’t feel challenged.

I hope that this helps clear up the question ‘Do I HAVE to look at the past?’.  The answer is: not necessarily, but it may be the fastest, most effective action you can take.

Pamela Bruner, Business Success Coach
Make Your Success Easy!
Phone: (888) 736-0620
4370 Old US 25, Zirconia, NC 28790
www.MakeYourSuccessEasy.com
Pamela@MakeYourSuccessEasy.com

Because this can be disconcerting to the client, and also because they aren’t quite sure what to do with the memory which now feels so odd, I’ve found the use of a repeating Choice statement to be a great way to put a new emotional tag on the story.

Introducing these new emotional states has to be done carefully.  Introducing a powerful reframe when the client is still in the grip of negative emotion will tend to create resistance, and interfere with the clearing.  I never try to suggest this type of reframe until the client’s level of intensity is below a 5 on a scale of 0 to 10 on a particular aspect.  First I ask the client

‘If you could wave a magic wand and feel any emotion you want about this event,  even if it doesn’t seem possible now, what would it be?’

Asking the client means that you get something very meaningful to them – for example, suppose the client says ‘calm and peace’.

I suggest using identical words for the Choice statement each time.  For example:

Even though I still have some anger at my mother for her treatment of me on my graduation day … It was a long time ago, I choose calm and peace now.

Even though I feel guilty about what I said on graduation day … It was a long time ago, I choose calm and peace now.

Using the ‘Tell the Story’ technique, at each sentence of the story, when the level of intensity drops below 5 out of 10, instead of using a traditional tapping affirmation such as ‘I deeply and completely accept myself’, I substitute the Choice statement.  As we walk through Telling the Story, I have found that clients begin to welcome the Choice statement (I choose calm and peace now) as a way of wrapping up each element, each sentence of the story.  Powerful possibilities come out of this, such as:

The client may begin to see the trauma as an event which has made them more powerful or capable, having lived through it. (Note: this is entirely the client’s interpretation – I would not make this for them.)

The client may be more able to step into forgiveness of themselves, or others, if the new emotional tag for the story is calm and peace.  Compassion is another good word for a new emotional tag.

When using the Choice statement, I will do either two shortcut rounds (one negative and one positive) or three shortcut rounds (one negative, one positive, and one round alternating the negative and the positive) depending on intuition.  At the end of the session, when the client thinks of the traumatic event, the emotional reaction is now calm and peace.  This is also a good addition to the testing process, because those emotions won’t tend to stick if these are any aspects left to clear out.

Pamela Bruner, Business Success Coach
Make Your Success Easy!
Phone: (888) 736-0620
4370 Old US 25, Zirconia, NC 28790
www.MakeYourSuccessEasy.com
Pamela@MakeYourSuccessEasy.com

In coaching, we are taught to empower our clients by letting them make suggestions and decisions.  As EFT tapping practitioners, sometimes we suggest reframes to our clients in extended setups.  I have found that suggesting reframes, based on intuition, is often more effective when dealing with overcoming upset.  If I ask a client how she would like to feel now, if she’s coming off of years of upset, she will often be confused and unsure.  Here’s an example:

After a client has released her anger, or most of it, towards her father for his indifferent treatment of her, she may be confused about how to relate to him.  After all, her ‘normal’ emotion was anger.  As a practitioner, I have numerous choices.  I could suggest emotions to her, such as love, respect, gratitude, etc., and sometimes those might work.  But what I have found to be particularly empowering is to create the opportunity for new emotions, without dictating what they should be.  Here’s the setup phrase:

Even though I’m used to feeling anger towards my father, I choose to find a new way to relate to him that works for me. I may not know what that will look like, and I may not be sure that I can do it, but I choose to create something that works for me.

Tapping reminder phrases would be (one round):

I’m used to feeling anger towards my father …  Part of me thinks he deserves it … I haven’t felt another way … What other emotion is there? … I’m so used to this anger

Positive reminder phrases would be (one round):

Perhaps there is another way … What if I could find another way to relate? … What if I could relate in a way that empowers me? … I’m not sure what that could be … I could ask for help from the Universe, God , Spirit  … I choose to consider that I can find a way … I choose to relate in a way that empowers me … I choose to relate in a way that works for me.

After this, a client will often suggest their new way to relate, i.e. ‘I think I could be cordial to my father’ or ‘I think that I can relate to him like an equal’ or ‘I think I could find sympathy for him’.  These are all very different, and that’s fine, because they are the client’s choices.  Sometimes I will do one more round, using the client’s choice, for example with the setup:

Even though I’m used to feeling anger at my father, I choose to find sympathy for him now.

With this type of Choices setup, ordinarily I would do three rounds – one negative, one positive, and one alternating.  Because of the previous open-ended reframe, though, I may only do one full round, alternating the negative and positive statements.  I believe that it sinks in faster, because the client is in charge!

Important points to put in an open-ended, empowering reframe:

1) Use a Choices statement.  Using ‘I choose’ is empowering just by itself.

4) Make it personal (‘I choose to create something that works for me’)

This type of reframe puts the power in the hands of the clients.  It avoids the situation where they feel pushed by the practitioner – since often we are working to eliminate a trigger of being ‘told what to do’, this is especially important!  And it gives the client a feeling of empowerment, because s/he has stepped into a possibility that resonates personally.

Pamela Bruner, Business Success Coach
Make Your Success Easy!
Phone: (888) 736-0620
4370 Old US 25, Zirconia, NC 28790
www.MakeYourSuccessEasy.com
Pamela@MakeYourSuccessEasy.com

When I address groups, I’m always looking for ways to open people’s minds to the possibility of EFT before I actually demonstrate it. Here are two useful stories that I use in my talks that have been effective in getting people to accept the idea of EFT before they see it in action.

With both of them, I’ll explain briefly about the energy in our bodies, and the idea that if the energy is disrupted, it results in physical pain or negative emotion. At this point, many people are a bit skeptical.

This is where I’ll use one of the following stories:

“Now, I know this may seem a bit hard to accept. But let me ask you something – how many of you have ever read a Sherlock Holmes mystery? It always makes me laugh when I’m reading one of those and they say ‘Well, yes, there is blood here on the staircase, but we don’t know whose blood it is. We have no way to tell one person’s blood from another person’s.’ And 100 years ago, that was true! But today we have the technology to tell not only your blood type, but your individual DNA.

I imagine that 100 years from now, you might walk into a doctor’s office, and they might put you in front of a machine and say ‘Oh, look – your energy is disrupted. We just need to straighten it out.’ Because technology will then enable us to see what we can’t see now. But just because we can’t see it doesn’t mean that we can’t affect it.”

Here’s another story, which works even better with medically-oriented groups (usually a tough crowd):

“I know that this may seem a bit hard to swallow – after all, where’s the evidence? Let me ask you – how many of you have heard of Ignaz Semmelweis? Some of you have.

In the 1800’s he claimed that there were these tiny germs that no one could see that caused disease, and he was ridiculed for suggesting that surgeons should wash their hands after working in the morgue before entering the hospital to deliver babies.

When his doctors starting washing their hands, the death rate dropped from 30% to less than 2%. Now of course we know that he was right, because technology enables us to see germs. So the only question is – When will technology allow us to see these energy fields that the Chinese have been talking about and working with for 5000 years?”

The thing that I like about the second story is that it makes EFT seem as sensible as washing your hands! Now the group is ready for the demonstration.

Use these stories, or create your own. They can go a long way in helping your EFT presentation be successful.

Pamela Bruner, Business Success Coach
Make Your Success Easy!
Phone: (888) 736-0620
4370 Old US 25, Zirconia, NC 28790
www.MakeYourSuccessEasy.com
Pamela@MakeYourSuccessEasy.com

Meridian Tapping Techniques such as EFT are great techniques for clearing the emotional effects of trauma. Sometimes we may not have time to use one of the standard EFT techniques, such as ‘Tearless Trauma’ or ‘Tell the Story’, so I’d like to present the concept of ‘Trauma Triage’. Trauma Triage can be used when someone has little time to handle an issue, but needs to be functional.

Rhonda (not her real name) called me a few days after Hurricane Ike came through. Her business had been in the path of the storm, and had sustained considerable damage. Rhonda is an intelligent, capable woman who has worked with me before. She was teary, and complained of feeling overwhelmed by what she had been through, and had very little time to talk, since she had to return to clean-up activities, and feared that our call might be interrupted at any time.

I felt that trying to clear the trauma of the storm by regular EFT methods might leave us in the middle of the story when she had to go, so I decided to try ‘Trauma Triage’. I asked ‘What’s bothering you most?’ She said ‘The storm – it was so terrifying!’

I asked Rhonda ‘What’s the most intense memory that you have from the storm?’ She replied that it was that the wind seemed to just ‘click on’, going from a breeze to 80 mph, and that there had been no warning, as the weather service had not predicted those severe winds for her location. Intensity was at an 8 on a 0 – 10 scale.

We tapped

Even though the wind just ‘clicked on’, I choose to love and accept myself now.

Even though the wind just ‘clicked on’ with no warning, I choose to remember that I’m safe now.

Reminder phrases:

‘Clicked on’

‘No warning’

The intensity dropped to a 6. I asked her if she had ever felt this way before, and she related that she has lived through at least 5 other natural disasters, including two earthquakes, a forest fire, etc. I asked which one of these, including the recent hurricane, was the most severe emotionally – it was an earthquake when she was a child. So I asked ‘What’s the most emotionally charged memory from that event?’ She said ‘When my father stepped out of the house after it was over, and looked at the devastation on our street. When he spoke, he sound of his voice terrified me – I thought that there should never be something that my parents couldn’t handle. It was the sound of his voice!’ Intensity was a 10 out of 10.

We tapped

Even though I was terrified by the sound of his voice, I choose to love and accept myself completely

Reminder phrase: the sound of his voice

The intensity dropped to 5, so we tapped again

Even though I still have some of this terror at the sound of his voice, I choose to remember that we all are safe. Even though there shouldn’t be something that my parents can’t handle, I choose to know that we did all handle it well – even me, as a child.

Reminder phrases:

‘This remaining terror’

‘Something my parents couldn’t handle’

‘The sound of his voice’

‘But we did handle it’

‘We all survived’

‘I was a kid, doing the best I could’

‘I was safe then, and I’m safe now’

Intensity on ‘The sound of his voice’ was now at 0, and her whole recollection of the childhood earthquake was different. She said ‘we DID survive, and all of us are still alive today, and it really wasn’t that bad for us.’ This seemed a big cognitive shift to me, so I brought her back to the recent hurricane, and asked what the intensity now was for ‘the wind just clicked on’. It was a 4.

So we tapped

Even though I still have some fear at ‘the wind clicked on’, I choose to know that I’m safe now.

Reminder phrase:

‘Remaining wind clicked on’

‘I’m safe now, we’re all safe now’

Intensity was now at a 0. I asked if she had any other distracting negative thoughts about this incident, and she said ‘I feel that I might have been better prepared’. Intensity was at a 7.

Even though I might have been better prepared, I choose to deeply and completely accept myself now.

Reminder phrases:

‘Better prepared’

Her intensity dropped to a 3 or 4, and she said ‘Well, I do have flashlights, water, and food all set aside for storms, so I do prepare. I just think that I could have prepared better.’ This seemed a good opportunity for humor.

Even though I could have been better prepared, I could have had roofing repair supplies in my basement, I should have consulted a psychic about exactly what I needed, I choose to consider that I did a good job, and that I still am doing a great job in getting through this…

Reminder phrases:

‘I still could have been better prepared’

‘I should have perfect foreknowledge’

‘I really am the best-prepared person in town (her words!)’

‘I choose to acknowledge what a good job I did in preparing’

‘I choose to acknowledge my ability to handle this situation’

Rhonda reported she was now feeling calm, capable, and was no longer thinking about the storm, but was ready to tackle repairs. I suggested that it might be a good idea to have a more lengthy session at some point to clear out other aspects from the other natural disasters, and anything left from Ike, and she heartily agreed.

This took about 25 minutes.

Follow-up after a week:

Rhonda called and reported that she had felt much calmer ever since our appointment, and that the process had definitely helped. She had been handling clean-up efficiently, focusing on one thing at a time, and had not become overwhelmed at any point. She reported that she still wanted to take care of other aspects from the storm soon, but that they were all quite manageable.

Pamela Bruner, Business Success Coach
Make Your Success Easy!
Phone: (888) 736-0620
4370 Old US 25, Zirconia, NC 28790
www.MakeYourSuccessEasy.com
Pamela@MakeYourSuccessEasy.com

Sasha (not her real name), a successful personal coach, came to me because although she was very comfortable in one-on-one sessions, she was extremely nervous at the thought of presenting to groups. However, she wanted to start giving teleclasses, and felt that getting over this fear so she could present comfortably would be better than ‘toughing through it.’ I agreed.

I asked if she had a particular fear of presenting to groups on the phone, or whether her fear was just groups in general. She felt that the fear was the same regardless of whether it was in-person or on the phone group work.

I asked what, specifically, she was afraid of. She said ‘I’m afraid that I’ll make a mistake’, ‘afraid that I’ll appear incompetent’, and ‘afraid that I’ll look stupid.’ She rated the fear at an ‘8’ intensity on the 0 to 10 scale.

I felt intuitively that the affirmation of the setup should be modified, so we used:

Even though I’m afraid that I’ll make a mistake, and look stupid and incompetent, I’m open to deeply and completely accepting myself anyway.

Reminder phrases:

I’ll make a mistake

I’m afraid I’ll look stupid

What if I forget what to say?

I’ll look incompetent

Note: I find that the reminder phrase ‘this fear’ does not seem to be as effective a way to keep my clients’ attention on their issue, compared to saying aloud the thoughts that are running through their heads.

We did a complete round, using all points. Sasha reported that the fear had dropped to a ‘6’, so we did another similar round, simply modifying the setup to ‘Even though I still have some of this fear that I’ll make a mistake, etc…’

At this point, Sasha reported that the fear had dropped to a ‘5’. I told her that ‘5’ was a great number, where we could start playing a bit more, and said that I might use a little humor. She thought that was a great idea.

New setup:

Even though the world will end if I make a mistake in my teleclass, even though everything hinges on this teleclass, maybe even world peace, I choose to love and accept myself anyway…

The reminder phrases were similarly silly:

I’ve got to do it right or the world might end

Everything depends on me being perfect

The fate of the world hinges on my perfect teleclass…

This was also a complete round, using all points.

At the end, Sasha was laughing and said that the fear was now at a 2-3. I asked her, if she had to guess, what was keeping the fear in place? She said that she was afraid that without the fear, she wouldn’t adequately prepare for the teleclass.

She also reported at this point that something else was coming up – she was now feeling guilty that she had carried around this fear for so long, and it had kept her from doing group work and helping people in this way. She reported the emotion as ‘regret and sadness’ with an intensity of a ‘6’.

Setup:

Even though I have this regret and sadness because I’ve had this fear for so long, I choose to love, accept and forgive myself anyway…

Reminder phrases:

I should have gotten over this fear before this…

Why didn’t I get over it before this?

I’ve been playing small…

I could have done group work before this…

I feel all this regret…

I’m sad I didn’t deal with this before

(Going into a second round without stopping, we switched to:)

What if this was the perfect time for me to deal with the fear?

What if I just wasn’t ready before?

What if I could trust that this is the perfect time for me to start giving teleclasses?

What if now really is the perfect time?

What if I could forgive myself?

I choose now as the perfect time to start group work.

I choose to forgive myself for my fear, I’m doing the best I can, and that’s good enough.

Sasha reported that the regret was completely gone at the end of the double round, and that the fear was still at a 2-3.

I asked her what she would really like to communicate to the teleclass participants, and how she would like to feel. She said that she would like to come across as warm, confident, caring, and positive.

Setup:

Even though I have to keep this remaining fear so I’ll adequately prepare for the teleclass, I choose to consider that I could be warm, confident caring and positive instead…

Reminder phrases:

I have to keep the fear

I won’t be prepared if I don’t keep the fear

This fear is making sure that I will prepare

Nearing the end of a full round, and beginning a second round,we shifted to:

What if I don’t have to keep the fear?

What if I could prepare without it?

What if I could prepare from a place of caring, rather than fear?

What if I could prepare from a place of confidence, rather than fear?

We finished the second round with:

I choose to be warm, confident, caring and positive.

At the end of her session, Sasha now reported that her fear was at a 1, and was quite happy with that level. I suggested to her that it might drop on its own to a zero (hopefully setting her up to look for that if it should occur.)

I asked her to visualize giving the teleclass, from setting it up to picking up the phone, talking to people, etc. She said that she felt a little nervous about the technology, but knew that she could walk through that with the help of a friend. She had no fear about the idea of speaking to the group, and recognized that was a different aspect from her discomfort with technology.

She expressed some concern that the fear might return, and I explained that in my experience, an additional aspect might surface, such as her discomfort with technology, but that usually the fears that were dissolved remained that way.

To keep her fear from spiking from any additional aspects that might surface, and from the ‘fear of the fear’, I also suggested that she tap every day until the teleclass using the following setup and reminder phrases:

Setup:

Even if I’m tempted to go into fear, I choose to focus on being warm, confident, caring and positive.

One full round with the reminder phrase (negative):

I might feel afraid

One full round with the reminder phrase (positive):

I choose to be warm, confident, caring and positive.

Sasha reported that she felt confident about giving the teleclass, and when I checked in with her a week later, was happily making final preparations with no return of the fear.

Pamela Bruner, Business Success Coach
Make Your Success Easy!
Phone: (888) 736-0620
4370 Old US 25, Zirconia, NC 28790
www.MakeYourSuccessEasy.com
Pamela@MakeYourSuccessEasy.com

I think that the following case is fascinating because it demonstrates using an imagined memory that seemed to have no connection to the current situation. And it shows we make progress simply by focusing on the energy disruption in any way that we can access it.

Gina (not her real name) came to me for a discomfort with networking events. Although she felt that she was a competent coach, even an excellent one, whenever she went to a networking event she would feel very emotional, and often cry when they were over. She felt that this was hurting her career, and wanted to enjoy networking events.

Gina related that her fear didn’t seem to be connected to a fear of public speaking, since she had many times addressed groups both smaller and larger than the networking events she had tried. I asked her what, specifically, she had experienced at the networking event.

She reported that while she sat there waiting for her turn to speak, she felt like she wanted to bolt from the room, and felt like she wanted to cry. She felt very disliked by the group, almost hated.

I asked if, consciously or rationally she felt that the group disliked her, if she had any evidence of this. She said no, this was just a feeling. She knew it was irrational, but it was overpoweringly strong.

I then asked her to close her eyes, and think back in her past to see if she had had those feelings prior to the networking event. She immediately said ‘I see myself on a playground, but that’s funny – I’ve never seen that playground before, that’s not a real memory. It’s just a flash of imagination.’ She then attempted to find a ‘real’ memory with those feelings but was unable to.

I told her that since the important thing was to clear the emotions and the energy disruption, we could work equally well with an invented memory as we could with a real one. I asked if she could tune into the playground again, and feel those uncomfortable feelings that were similar to the ones from the networking event. She was immediately in touch with the feelings.

I asked her what was going on in the playground, and to describe the scene. Gina related that she seemed to be about 8, and that there were lots of children around, and that they were going to do something together, like build a clubhouse. She reported feeling excited about this. She reiterated that although she could clearly see this scene, she was quite certain it hadn’t really happened.

Then, she said, a little dark-haired boy appeared and all the children started looking to him for leadership. This created some intensity (a 6 on the 0 to 10 scale), so we stopped here and tapped.

Setup:

Even though they are all looking at him, and listening to him, and they hate me, I love and accept myself…

Reminder phrases:

They’re all looking at him…

They’re all listening to him…

They hate me…

We tapped one complete round, all points, and she reported that the focus had now changed slightly. She now felt ‘I want them to listen to me, they aren’t listening to me! I just want to hate them for this.’ Intensity had changed to a 10, she felt angry and frustrated, and was crying.

Setup:

Even though they won’t listen to me, I love and accept myself…

Even though it’s so frustrating that they won’t listen to me, I love and accept myself…

Even though I want to hate them for ignoring me, I love and accept myself…

Reminder phrases:

Listen to me!

Why won’t you listen to me?

I’m so angry!

I want to hate them all…

I’m so frustrated!

Why won’t they listen to me?

One complete round brought the intensity down to a 6. She reported that the ‘I want to hate them’ feeling was gone. We did another round with slightly modified wording:

Even though I think that they should be listening to me, why aren’t they listening to me, I have good ideas too for the clubhouse, I love and accept myself now…

Reminder phrases:

They should listen to me

I have good ideas too

I want them to listen to me

This complete round of tapping brought the intensity down to a 2. I asked her what she would like to have happen on the playground – what would be the best outcome for her?

She said that she didn’t care if the other children took her ideas for the clubhouse or not, she was OK with going with someone else’s ideas, she just wanted to make sure that her ideas were heard.

I asked her to begin continuous tapping on all the points, and asked her to visualize the other children listening to her ideas. I asked her to imagine that she was heard, and her ideas carefully listened to. Gina reported that she no longer felt anger at the little dark-haired boy, and felt appreciated by the other children.

I asked her to visualize attending a networking event, and see if she felt any intensity. She reported that she felt the same appreciation in visualizing that event that she had felt visualizing the playground. After checking for any other events that might have contributed to, or resemble these feelings, and not finding them, the session was over.

Follow-up: two months later

Gina reported that she had attended three different networking events, with no recurrence of the discomfort. She had enjoyed the events, and had gotten several new clients from them.

Pamela Bruner, Business Success Coach
Make Your Success Easy!
Phone: (888) 736-0620
4370 Old US 25, Zirconia, NC 28790
www.MakeYourSuccessEasy.com
Pamela@MakeYourSuccessEasy.com

Just as your mindset is what you think is possible, your Heartset is what you feel, what you believe to be possible or true.
Heartset affects every part of your business. When you vision, what you create is determined in part by your Heartset. As you implement that vision, each strategy that you devise, and each task that you undertake, will be influenced by your Heartset.

This is the most important, and the most overlooked, element in business success.

Affirmations and visualizations are being used by people throughout the world for success in life, business, sports, and more. But often these involve only the mindset, and not the Heartset.

How many times have you said or heard ‘My heart just wasn’t in it’? That phrase is most often heard after a failure of some sort.

How do you create a Heartset that supports success?

First you must locate the areas in which your mindset and your Heartset are in conflict. Any time you feel fearful, uncomfortable, upset, or frustrated in your business, your Heartset isn’t in alignment with success. Common areas for these feelings include sales and marketing, networking, learning new skills, delegation, decision-making, organization, expansion, and more.

If you don’t feel a ‘100% yes’ towards doing something you need to do for your business, your Heartset is hindering your success.

Action Step: Create a list of your business goals, and each activity you engage in for your business.  Ask yourself about each one ‘How do I feel about this? If the answer isn’t eager, excited, and confident, consider working on your Heartset  around that issue.

Ways to create a success Heartset:

Visit www.MakeYourSuccessEasy.com/eft.php for a free guide to using EFT  for removing fears and limiting beliefs. Once you remove your fears and limiting beliefs, you can create with a mindset and a Heartset that are in alignment.

Give me a call for a free consultation (888-736-0620) to see how creating a success Heartset can dramatically impact your success.

Pamela Bruner, Business Success Coach
Make Your Success Easy!
Phone: (888) 736-0620
4370 Old US 25, Zirconia, NC 28790
www.MakeYourSuccessEasy.com
Pamela@MakeYourSuccessEasy.com

This hurts you, because you don’t get as many clients as you would otherwise. It also hurts your potential clients, because if they are confused or unclear, they will probably say no to working with you. And what you offer is important, and helps people.

In order to get clear on your message, answer the following questions.
Who are the specific people that you serve?
What issue or problem do you solve for your clients?
What benefits do people receive from working with you?
Why would they work with you, instead of someone else in your field?

Important note:
Don’t focus on the process that you take your clients through. Most coaches love their processes, but process is not compelling to a prospective client.

For example, I love EFT! I think it’s one of the greatest tools for change in the world. But when I’m talking to a prospect, I’m talking about their issues, and helping them overcome marketing fears, how to make more money, etc.  I’m not talking about EFT – that comes later, that’s part of the process.

The benefit that they will receive from that process is what is compelling.

Action Step: Write the answers to these questions down, and then craft a 2 or 3 sentence answer to the question ‘What do you do?’ This message, or variations of it, should be on your website, literature, in your speaking, even on your answering machine!

If you need help with this, take a look at www.MakeYourSuccessEasy.com/products.php.  ‘Irresistible Intros’ will walk you through creating your perfect message, step-by-step.

Pamela Bruner, Business Success Coach
Make Your Success Easy!
Phone: (888) 736-0620
4370 Old US 25, Zirconia, NC 28790
www.MakeYourSuccessEasy.com
Pamela@MakeYourSuccessEasy.com